That which gives you anything can also cost you everything. Unless…

“What if you made a list of all the things that you have going for you? All the ways in which people you care about the most love and support you?” Ever heard that before? And the “Millions would kill for what you have… Can’t you be more grateful?”

You will disappoint a lot of people when you honor the whisper of your heart and set yourself free… Do it anyway.

It’s #mentalhealthawarenessmonth and we need to have a chat. Especially the high-achieving women who carry this remarkable vision, who kick the sheets off every morning ready to conquer the world… only to collapse to bed in the end of the day feeling oddly dissatisfied, disconnected, unfulfilled. Stagnant, even.

The first time I felt this intuitive hit that the life I had created was not quite what I truly wanted, I got really scared. Like “What do you mean? I worked my ass off, devoted all my time, invested money, sacrificed my social life, even moved across the world for it. What do you mean it’s not what I want?”

But there it was… this whisper that just wouldn’t shut up. Not when I was snuggling my toddler and newborn in a recliner while brainstorming the details of the proposal that needed to be sent to the new prospect within the next 30 minutes to assure my team had resources to support their families.

Not when I was standing in the middle of a kitchen, holding my breath with one hand on my chest from which pain was radiating through my body in the most inconvenient time as we were just gearing up for a full house of birthday guests.

Not when I was handing over my near-maxed out credit card to another coach whom I truly believed will be able to help me turn on that magic switch and bridge the gap between my audacious vision & strategic plan, and actual reality.

Not even when I was staring at my reflection in the mirror, summoning the courage and trying to activate the confidence to dim the lights and go show my husband how deeply I truly desired him, hoping he would feel the same and love me in a way I could not love myself.

Here’s the kicker — if you are anything like me, that it just the tip of the iceberg…

I know that you care deeply about those around you. And you are devoted to going beyond yourself to provide, to uplift, to help, to hold, to heal. I also know that you are on a massive mission that cannot even be articulated, quantified (much less understood by those who live on a more conventional life line).

You are going all in — and whenever things go sideways, you’re the one to check in with yourself first. What did you do wrong? What could you do better? What else could you try? And you do this with such grace and humility that it’s a true honor watching you work. And whatever you’re working on seems to come to you with such ease that you don’t even realize just how powerful you are.

Because the powerhouses you surround yourself with keep inspiring you, they keep challenging you, and they seem oh-so-far-ahead. But let’s be honest — you also love to mingle with the “regular” people for the confidence boost because they just can’t compute how you can possibly do so much on the daily. Right? Yeah, their praises just feel so good…

And…

What I am about to share comes from personal experience and from 10+ years of working with women in leadership who are just like you and I.

Let’s start with: WHAT DO YOU WANT? I offer that you give yourself time and space — and amp up the awareness for how each answer truly feels. And I guess the first several answers will feel totally cool for you’ve been repeating them to yourself for quite some time. Whatever story you’ve been running has become your truth.

Keep digging.

Then, pay attention to how the answers make intellectual sense but your heart might feel squeezed. Your stomach might tighten. Your shoulders might sense up.

Keep going.

What you are opening yourself up to are nudges that feel light. Warm. Expansive. That elevate you. They are coming from you soul. Your innate knowing. Your gut. Your intuition. Please don’t let the mind steal the show with the “But how?”

Keep going. Keep tapping into your truth. Into your vision.

Speak it out loud and feel the frequency of your own sound!

Now that you have those answers… Can you take an honest look around you? What are the ways in which your current reality is not lining up with what you truly want?

That’s where the work starts.

I cannot possibly tell you want to do next because that depends on what that gap is. It depends on who you are and how you operate. What moves you. What’s weighing you down.

When I get to work, play, and co-create magic with my private clients, this is where the facade starts to fall off. This is where breakdowns happen. And this is where they remember who they are. This is where we break through and operate in multiple dimensions: inner work with strategic planning that aligns the pragmatics with their vision and goals, as well as concierge help with hands-on implementation when needed. Their self. Their home. Their work. Their life. This is where trajectories get altered and timelines collapsed. This is where 25-year vision becomes their actual 3D reality.

Now if you’ve been in my sphere for some time, you’ve heard me talk about postpartum depression, severe burnout, and battle with a massive weight gain that no diet could reverse (in sustainable way).

How could that be? What was all of that about if I were right there, in the arena, doing the work myself?! Devoting my time, energy, effort, resources? Indeed, I could feel the layers peeling off, one after another. Old stories dissolving, chains of generational patterns slowly breaking, and my true self emerging.

(No, just because one does the work does not make them immune to life. On the contrary, I would offer that it makes us even more open to all of it. And when we’re still missing the mark, there will be numerous ways in which the misalignments will physically manifest to get our attention.)

Which finally brings us the the opening remark from above.

I was so focused on finding the answer and solution to the shortcomings that I had created in my mind that I had completely lost the multi-faceted self. I distilled myself to a couple of labels and behavioral patterns that I believed would open the doors to where I wanted to get. Single-track mind was absolutely required to keep fulfilling my commitments and responsibilities towards my kiddos, my husband, my clients in the most loving way.

So when those soul’s nudges kept dropping in about how the life I was creating perhaps just was not what I truly wanted, I did pay attention. And I did create a narrative around it (as we humans do).

That’s where I was able to admit to myself for the first time that indeed, there were so many boxes into which I had locked my deepest desires. My most primal needs. My truth. For what?

For the illusion of safety. For the satisfaction of others. For the sake of reputation and fulfilling of expectations. For proximity to power.

Once I realized that, feeling like a martyr was truly easy.

I mean — I was raised to be strong and independent woman and now I had given all this power away… to something… to someone…. Who? Why? How? Anger emerged, old wounds reopened, but I was able to outsmart it all. Yes, I did make some radical decisions, took some unconventional paths, but just as I was about to spread out my wings and soar towards what I knew was calling me… I dialed it all back. Nonetheless, I was questioned. Doubted. I must have been wrong…

“Can you shift your perspective? Can you honestly see all the ways in which you are actually supported and loved? You have what millions of other would kill for!” When this questions come from people who teach limitlessness, quantum leaping, and charge you premium for the privilege of spending their time and energy with you — you listen. Right?

Again, I must keep trying. Keep working. Keep digging. Indeed, it worked! I become more intentional in appreciating those around me. In practicing gratitude for all that there was. By the time the world pressed the pause button, I felt content. Finally!

Until I didn’t. And when that train hit me, it hit me fast and hard!

Within months, I had experienced my worst fear to come true: a business with no clients, empty pipeline, and no sure way to change it. What was worse, was that my whole idea of self-worth was still hooked to some vanity metrics — despite “knowing better.”

Moving through all the ways I knew how to get myself out of this mess was just like trying to wiggle your way through a quicksand. It engulfs you. Done. Gone.

Except, I wasn’t done.

Within the span of a few months, I was diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases. That was not the last straw that broke the camel’s back — it was the sling that catapulted me on a whole new trajectory.

I was just getting started!

My clients would frequently describe their own experience of hitting rock-bottom with walking through fires. Fires where all that no longer belonged, burned off. Attachments. Identities. Expectations. Just like I have, they would mourn the loss of something that will not never get to be. In a way.

On occasion, someone would say how they wish that somebody had grabbed them and shook them by their shoulders. But this is not how it works… We can want so much to save someone — they can only save themselves, they must be open to support. When they are ready.

Do we chose when we’re ready?

“What do you actually want?” was the question that pierced my heart in a way it had never been before.

And that’s when they realized that all along, their heart knew the truth. And just like that, I was ready.

That’s where I was able to rewind the film, and see it all for all that it truly was. And what I discovered was eerily familiar! It’s generational! It’s cultural.

And now, I could choose to do something about it. To choose differently.

And it was what some of the most remarkable, accomplished, and devoted clients I had the honor of coaching, have overcame… Let me offer it to you like this:

• Yes, the life you created is what millions would kill for… And, is it the life you want NOW?
• Yes, people you care for the most support you by not letting you be less than you are…And, can you ask yourself d different question, in a different way?
• Yes, all the work you have been doing got you here…And, imagine the possibilities and the power you would unleash by untying your own hands and removing yourself from the equation?

What do *you* want? Why are you here?

So, here I am… My lineage spans from Finland on North, Ireland and Span on the West… North Africa on the South, and all the way to Middle East…

And I was called to journey 4,500 miles across the oceans, to a land that does not contain a dust of my ancestor’s bones in order to remember who I am and why am I here. To break generational patterns and set myself (and my daughters and consequently all the women whose shoulders we are standing on) free. To elevate the strength, gifts, wisdom and magic that these women in my lineage had equipped me with. To reclaim my Primal Power.

Indeed, you will disappoint a lot of people when you honor the whisper of your heart and set yourself free… Do it anyway.

Originally published by Sara Oblak Speicher at https://www.linkedin.com.